She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
