after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
