forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
