i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.