I wannas sexs uuuuu
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
23 Medical Examiners Reveal The Most Disturbing Causes Of Death They’ve Seen
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them