a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
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