I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
