i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
