Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Randomize
