everyone is single if you try hard enough
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
