My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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