apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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