Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
