Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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