I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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