how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
