Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
