dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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