So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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