I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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