The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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