i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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