Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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