I heard we made out
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
