I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
