We tried having a conversation with our noses.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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