You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
