I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
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