so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
