What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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