My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
