I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
