didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
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