im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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