dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
