I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
