Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Can you bring me the toilet please
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
