i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
