Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
