Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
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