She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
