Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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