i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
