Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I fill condoms, not promises.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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