Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
