and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
