OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
