Don't you send me to vm
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
