I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
