Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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