i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
