I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Farmville is her only friend.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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