he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
