I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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