Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
