i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
