I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
