filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
