My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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