oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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