last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
